10 years ago I contracted pneumococcal meningitis and a few months later was retired from work, twice in that week I was only hours from not making it. The effects for me are invisible for I have no limb loss just internal damage, Permanent headaches quite often migraine levels, spinal damage, nerve damage and painful joints and some more minor problems like sinusitis.
The emotional scars of anxiety, low self esteem, low confidence and I guess depression but I guess I don't like admitting this one, frustration I cannot work and support my family and I can get very emotional.
The emotional scars are not just carried by myself but the wife whom discovered my symptoms and basically saved my life and has had to watch me suffer since and indeed become the strength in the household.
I can't get out of my head what must my kids feel ?
Do they understand why Daddy can't buy them the latest fashion or expensive toys ?
Do they hate me for not running around after them with a football or just being a normal active Dad ?
Will they resent me for their displaced childhoods ?
So many questions are starting to hit me all at once but why now ? yes I have had these thoughts before but now they are constant nags.
Why and I blogging this ?
I have not got a clue but I guess it may help somehow.
take care all
Pat
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